Most people experience guilt from time to time. In fact, most of us have BEEN guilty from time to time! If you're over the age of five, you've probably done something to feel guilty or ashamed about.
I've learned recently that a lot of my own "mental congestion" has been because I harbored a lot of GUILT over things that I should have let go.
Few things hold us back from reaching our full potential like guilt and unforgiveness. Guilt is, of course, the condition of not forgiving ourselves.
When I started this journey at the beginning of 2018, I harbored guilt over many things which had happened in my past. I held onto arguments with my husband, moments I'd lost my temper with my daughter, unresolved feelings pertaining to my adoption, shame in relation to my previous marriage.
I knew these things ate me up, and I spoke to a therapist about some of this in 2017. It was the start of the process you see today: My ability to let go of the guilt, shame, and unforgiveness which have been eating me alive for the past nearly four decades.
We all do it: We cling to things that no longer serve us, keep souvenirs of times we've been hurt or hurt others. If you replay the difficult moments of your life over and over again, you're not alone! This type of anxiety is common. Ask a good friend, or a sibling. Most everybody has something they're holding onto and can't let go of.
These are the stuff of our nightmares, the events that play over and over again in our minds during our most anxious moments.
And this guilt and shame is holding us back from reaching our full potential!
Guilt is like an anchor which holds you in place where you are currently in your life. If you want to move forward and find success and happiness, you have to let go of the anchor and set sail.
Successful people don't harbor guilt or shame. They do what needs to be done to achieve their goals.
Releasing guilt is getting rid of emotional clutter so that you can move the things you REALLY want in.
You may experience the following benefits of releasing guilt and bitterness:
I've learned recently that a lot of my own "mental congestion" has been because I harbored a lot of GUILT over things that I should have let go.
Few things hold us back from reaching our full potential like guilt and unforgiveness. Guilt is, of course, the condition of not forgiving ourselves.
When I started this journey at the beginning of 2018, I harbored guilt over many things which had happened in my past. I held onto arguments with my husband, moments I'd lost my temper with my daughter, unresolved feelings pertaining to my adoption, shame in relation to my previous marriage.
I knew these things ate me up, and I spoke to a therapist about some of this in 2017. It was the start of the process you see today: My ability to let go of the guilt, shame, and unforgiveness which have been eating me alive for the past nearly four decades.
We all do it: We cling to things that no longer serve us, keep souvenirs of times we've been hurt or hurt others. If you replay the difficult moments of your life over and over again, you're not alone! This type of anxiety is common. Ask a good friend, or a sibling. Most everybody has something they're holding onto and can't let go of.
These are the stuff of our nightmares, the events that play over and over again in our minds during our most anxious moments.
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| Guilt might not stop you from reaching your destination, but it's sure going to slow you down! (Source CC BY-NC-SA) |
And this guilt and shame is holding us back from reaching our full potential!
How Is Guilt Holding You Back From Realizing Your Dreams?
Guilt tricks us into thinking that we don't deserve the things we want. Guilt says "you're a bad person. You don't deserve that! That's only for GOOD people!" Guilt tells us that we deserve to be punished. If we hadn't done that thing we feel guilty for, we might deserve to be happy.
If you want to make the most out of your life, you have to believe you deserve it. If you harbor guilt and shame, you won't believe you deserve great things!
Guilt is like an anchor which holds you in place where you are currently in your life. If you want to move forward and find success and happiness, you have to let go of the anchor and set sail.
Successful people don't harbor guilt or shame. They do what needs to be done to achieve their goals.
How Can You Release Guilt And Realize Your Dreams?
It's easy to say "let it go," but that won't work for most people. When I realized how much guilt I harbored, and how much shame I continued to feel, I had to actively concentrate on releasing that guilt.
The first step, for me, was to realize that in every area of my life where I had yet to forgive someone, I felt guilty. Not for my own lack of forgiveness, but for my contribution to the situation which made forgiveness necessary.
For example, let us say that I hadn't forgiven my sister for the fact some of my belongings were damaged during a party she threw when she was a teenager. I felt guilty that I had failed to secure my bedroom so her friends wouldn't use it to smoke (or for not calling my parents to tell them the party was going on).
I could forgive her and hold onto personal guilt, but I could not be guilt-free while still not forgiving her.
In order to be unburdened, I had to forgive BOTH my sister AND myself.
How Can You Forgive Someone Who Wronged You?
Some wrongs are small (the person who cut you off in traffic) and some wrongs are enormous (the spouse who was unfaithful to you). Many people think it's okay (or at least easier) to hold onto anger and self-righteousness about these BIG wrongs while letting go of the small wrongs.
I discovered recently that it didn't work this way for me. I'd been holding onto anger and unforgiveness for one of the biggest things I can think of -- and it's something I don't want to talk about. It was easy to forgive the small things, but not this enormous wrong which had been committed against me and my family.
For years I held onto these feelings of anger, resentment, and (dare I say) hatred.
Here's how I did it.
First, I acknowledged that the situation was in the past. There is nothing that can be done to fix what has happened. It's already been done. My lack of forgiveness won't restore my stolen or destroyed belongings.
Second, I acknowledged that my lack of forgiveness didn't serve me. Not forgiving someone didn't make me happier. Furthermore, it wasn't making the other person more miserable. It only kept me rooted in the past when I wanted to move forward.
Third, I followed the steps to forgive myself. These are listed below. Check them out and follow through the process -- with a pen and paper is ideal!
Fourth, I took a deep breath and let it go. I released the anger, hatred, and unforgivness. It was no longer serving me, and I gave it up the same way that one would give up any possession which served no purpose and was no longer loved.
Fifth, I forgive again every time the anger surfaces. Any time I start to feel angry again about a situation that has held me back, I actively take a deep breath and forgive again. I'll do it again and again for as long as I have to!
How Can You Forgive YOURSELF?
First, acknowledge the situation for which you harbor guilt. For example, "I feel guilty for not warning my parents my sister planned to have a party while they were away."
Second, determine whether this is a situation you can rectify. Is there something you can do to make the situation right? In my case, there isn't. It's in the past (by two decades!) and cannot be changed.
Third, rectify what you can. Apologize, if necessary, for the wrong you committed. Write a letter to the person who was hurt if you can. If you can't, write the letter anyway, but don't send it if you don't have an address.
Fourth, take a deep breath and release the guilt. You've done everything you can for this situation. It's in the past, and you can't change it now. Holding onto guilt does nothing but punish you, and you've already experienced the consequences of your actions.
Fifth, if the guilt re-arises, let it go again. Keep letting it go every time it comes back to bite you. Remember that the guilt doesn't serve you and there is nothing you can do to change something which is already done with.
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| There has to be room for good feelings, same as you make room for nice things in your material home! (Source CC BY-NC) |
How Will Letting Go Of Guilt Affect You?
Like anything we release, letting go of guilt makes room for better feelings. When you release negative emotions (by dealing with them, not ignoring them!) you make room for better feelings. Releasing guilt, anger, and hatred help to make room for feelings like contentment, happiness, and motivation.Releasing guilt is getting rid of emotional clutter so that you can move the things you REALLY want in.
You may experience the following benefits of releasing guilt and bitterness:
- Better sleep
- Reduced anxiety
- Finding it easier to "live in the moment"
- Increased motivation
- Feelings that you DESERVE great things
- Increased success
It is easier (and happier!) to dream big when you don't have emotional baggage getting in the way of what you want to get out of your life!
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| Get rid of the emotional garbage to make room for better things! (Source CC BY-NC-SA) |
Personal Note
While the situation described in this post actually happened, it was long ago forgiven. It was more the guilt I carried for myself over keepsakes being ruined or lost in the experience which still upset me rather than lack of forgiveness for my sister.
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